Their carbohydrate intake is more based upon rice, noodles and, surprisingly enough, potatoes. Their main problem in this context is that the Chinese are not big bread eaters. From my admittedly limited experience, the Chinese would not know a well-toasted piece of toast if it pissed on their Peking duck. I’ve had toast in China, and, let me tell you, toast is not that otherwise wonderful country’s national dietary specialty. (Have you ever eyeballed Chinese numbers? They are certainly aesthetically appealing on the font front, but, Christ Almighty! How do those folks manage to figure out things like baseball batting averages, miles per gallon and the cost per bottle of a six-pack of craft beer?) My toaster was made in China, so it’s entirely possible that numeric uniformity simply gets lost in translation. Something more in line with standard WASP/OCD-based arithmetic symmetry. One-through-six what? International Toastiness Units (ITUs)? I mean: Why 1-6? I would think the dial would be numbered 1-5. My toaster’s rotary dial is numbered, perplexingly enough, 1-6. And, besides, I assumed I would figure things out - either about the toaster or about myself - well enough that I would not continue to burn my toast for a significant percentage of my adult life. Wal-Mart has a no-questions-asked return policy that I ought to have availed myself of, especially after burning my toast on days one, two, three and so on forevermore. It cost something like 20 bucks at Wal-Mart some hazy time back in my deep dark past. My toaster is a basic Cuisinart model that, I see from eyeballing the company website, is no longer available. I’d like to think the burned-toast blame does not lie solely with me. I would love to start my day by biting into an unburned piece of toast, butter tantalizingly seeping into the porous surface rather than sliding in one slowly melting blob across the impermeable charred toast topography, more reminiscent of the black lava landscapes on Hawai’i’s Big Island than it is a food item that, under the best of preparation circumstances, is hardly considered a delicacy in most hard-core foodie circles.
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